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Serious Engineering V2 Ch1 Men Behind the Sun 03 by CAPTAIN-CAPSLOCK-PHD
Serious Engineering V2 Ch1 Men Behind the Sun 02 by CAPTAIN-CAPSLOCK-PHD
Forever Song Ch 1 pg 26 by CAPTAIN-CAPSLOCK-PHD
Serious Engineering V2 Ch1 Men Behind the Sun 01 by CAPTAIN-CAPSLOCK-PHD
Literature
Those Who Are in Need (Mental Healh Awareness),Those Who Are in NeedMental Health Awareness Month 2023 By J.C. SolisThere are those who are suffering profoundAnd these kinds of people are all aroundThere are those who wish to at last have graceWho want happiness with smiles on their faceThere are those who suffer within their mindsFor their fates have been far from being kindAnd it is these faces filled with this woeThat notes to all this suffering as soFor illness rocks the mind and one’s own strengthThat confers weakness throughout this plight’s lengthFor this is a feeling that We know wellFor it causes our lives to go through HellThese illnesses and this plights that we knowOur minds cannot heal and cannot let goPsychosis, Depression, AnxietyNone of these things allow us to be freeSo look to your fellow Suffering ManAnd do whatever it is that you canFor We are the Dead in mind and in soulAnd We just want to once again be wholeThese poems were written to advocateTo inspire kindness and to dispel hateFor I just want to bring to heart this plightSo that my fellow sufferers find lightAnd know that We are also human tooThough we have an illness that makes us rueIt is this path that guides us down with hopeFor sometimes these illnesses We can’t copeSo please look at us like your fellow kinAnd show us your kindness you have withinAnd allow us to have a brand new startFor We are still people who have a heartSo Thank You for going on this journeyA path through mental illness woes with MeAnd I hope You see, We try to live grandSo long as we have friends to guide our hands…For Mental Health Awareness Month now endsAnd I hope that your well wishes you send…
The Consumer of Joy (Poem),The Consumer of JoyMental Health Awareness Month 2023By J.C. SolisThere is a feeling that many know wellAnd its pain is that which words cannot tellThere is a feeling that makes one now reelThat makes life seem bleak, and all our fates sealedFor the life is sucked straight from heart and hopeAnd it is a feeling that few can copeFor it is a feeling that robs One’s lightFor it is a pit where we’re cast to blightAnd Life is made bleak with so little faithAs we decay and slowly turn to wraithsFor once this condition starts to take formYou will then wish that you were never bornFor this Depression is what kills the soulAnd breaks One apart until no longer wholeFor this is an illness that is so cruelAnd over many lives does it now ruleThere seems no escape, One’s lost in the darkAs One comes across a feeling so starkAs Depression snuffs One’s very own lightAnd saps away all of One’s strength and mightThis is a feeling without a compareIt lays out One’s sorrow broken and bareAnd it wants to sap away One’s own willFor it seeks the weak to murder and killBut there is still hope when all still seems lostAnd it may not come at too high a costFor You must think about the life you ownAnd see if this sorrow should be condonedLook in the mirror, and what do you see?A person who just wants to be set freeLook in your heart, and what’s shown as your goalHas your life really taken such a big toll?What has been lost, and what is it you’ve gained?What is the source of all your aches and pains?And what can you change, what can you accept?Use these questions when you have nothing leftAnd don’t be alone, for that will spill deathFor its others who’ll save your quaking breathAnd try your best to cling out of despairFor there’s no hurtful danger anywhereFor Depression sucks out One’s Joy and LifeAnd it only adds to our mounting strifeBut so long as you give it all and fightYou will see the tunnel’s end shine so brightBecause Depression is not who you areFor it’s not what helped you make it this farFor there’s a part of you that wants to seeThe fields of bounty within reverieSo fear not Sorrow, and don’t be aloneFor this feeling is felt down to your bonesBut so long you’re willing to move aheadYou will not count yourself among the deadDepression is horrible and so bleakBut it will not cloud the peace that One seeksAnd this is a hope One has deep at heartNow the next thing is for You to take startFear not the dark, the bleakness, and the painStay strong with hope, and you won’t go insaneAnd beware The Noose and its tempting goadFor it’s the Ultimate Lie that it bodesDepression is strong, but so is the mindSo long as one searches for peace so kindAnd when the illness goes away with TimeYou’ll once again live your own life sublimeBelieve in Your Strengths, don’t let the dark winAnd don’t be afraid to face your past sinsRemember to love yourself with esteemAnd soon joy is what you will again gleamRemember, Depression is not for LifeSo resist the urge to carve with a knifeAnd when you reach the end of this vast plightWill you once again gain your joyous sightRemember that Life is meant to be livedFor there’s still plenty to receive and giveAnd hope that the Next Day will bring you peaceSo long as you stay strong, and Time gives lease…
The Broken Man (Remastered),The Broken ManRemasteredMental Health Awareness Month 2023 By J.C. SolisWhat does it mean to be broken apart?From where did this pain take its horrid start?What kind of foul life must bear this great bane?Why was This Life almost driven insane?What can one do to find comfort and peace?What can one do to be granted this lease?And how do we reach this way to be whole?As We pick up the pieces of our souls?For through mental strife, and through broken thoughtsThe goals that we had and Joy that we soughtAs we live moments that We now abhorThat make Us not want to live anymoreFor I feel these thoughts, this sorrow and painAnd from deep despair my mind can’t refrainFor this is a foul condition as suchAnd whatever it is just hurts so muchFor one starts to break, slowly, bit by bitAs our past mistakes our minds can’t acquitAnd slowly, as the mind spirals through lossThe Illness I feel has come at great costNow I wish for a salve and heal from blightAs I try to cling on to my own lightBut the shards are too many to piece backAs my mind and illness start to attackFor I have now become a Broken ManWhose Fate seems completely out of his handsFor this is a fate that I cannot bearAs my pieces are scattered EverywhereBut as I try hard to find my own wayAnd reach the new light of the coming dayI don’t want to be broken anymoreEven if my strength is lacking and poorBecause illness won’t define what we areWhether we stop near, or travel quite farFor One must take the First Step to be freeEven if We don’t know what We will beFor human nature is our guiding lightWhether through valiance or our mind’s frightAnd illness alone cannot block our pathNot even if we face doubt’s scathing wrathFor though One is broken, One can rebuildThe frame can still be repaired and refilledThe shards re-gathered, and melted as oneFor our fates are not yet completely doneFor a Broken Heart and Mind can still healOur emotions return, and Joy we feelAs with lasting Hope we try to seek GraceWith tears in our eyes and smiles on our faceFor even if I’m still a Broken ManI still try my best to lift up and standFor there is no pain that lasts for all TimeAs I look forward with a face sublimeI have an illness, and it’s broken MeThe shards in my eyes couldn’t let me seeBut I still stand up once I no longer cryFor I won’t simply lay down here to dieI want to live Life, I still have my HopeAnd I hope this all is enough to copeAnd if not, I’ll then search for Broken FriendsFor Our Hope will shine bright towards the endI am a Broken Man with Broken ShardsAnd living this life is terribly hardBut good things come to those who still go tryAnd fear not death, dismay, or hurtful liesFor this is a Peace that We all pursueAnd it’s existence I know is still trueAnd with this, my illness now slowly wainsAs my thoughts rejoin, I start to feel saneI am a Broken Man with Broken SenseBut I won’t live with fear that’s so intenseAs I grab the shards that are EverywhereI’ll build myself stronger, without a care…And through Illness strife, I soon will be wholeFor I am a Broken Man with a soul…
Emotions
Aseptic Void - Liminal Space (2022) by AsepticVoid
Disable by JohnnyandMe
Moods
Rose Of Woes by ArrowThruTheArt
Foot by JohnnyandMe
waiting - thoughts - JNew poem that I wrote just now. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading. Take care.~~~~~~~<b>waiting</b> Written by: JDate: May 20, 2020Time: 4:00 PMthanks.~~~~~~~<b>waiting </b>~~~~~~i want you to be free.free like the sun that set beautifully at night. free like the wind that calms the storms at daylight. free like the beauty that's fallen from your face.free like the angels in heaven, singing amazing grace.fly to the moon. and don't look back.you are a dreamer waiting to explore the unknown.you are the author, waiting to calm the seas.you are a knight protecting, saving the world from our enemies.you are a child, looking in awe at the world around you.i want you to be free.to feel like there's no tomorrow.to know this life will end, but that you're not alone in your sorrow.wrap the blanket around the moonlit tears that are falling. cling to your pillow and know it's not your fault, this happening.we all make mistakes sure. it's a fact.but tomorrow's never promised so don't wait; react.make a beautiful canvas from the warmth inside your soul.refresh and meditate. regain the light that you lost; out of control.you are a heart that's beating.you are amazing.breathe in the breath of life that's waiting for you.take a moment - seize the day. take all those lies and make a breakthrough.you are the author.the creator.the one who's sun will rise.the moonlight skies.the one with wonder in his eyes.the son who steps out freely.in a world that's turned greedy.be a light. shine in a tho0suand sun rays.be bold. change the future.if you can't see you, look deeper.we are little oddities, dancing in the night.run away, or move in to fight.taste victory in your palms.write a thousand words, and a thousand songs.yours is right now.so take it, don't waver.live life like you've won tomorrow's favor.smile.be bright.you can overcome this.you are brave.you will sing a new song.take hold of life.she is waiting...~End
Multiple Personality Disorder
EMPTY CHEST GOLDEN HEART - digital vent art 2023 by Cryptidink
Alter intro Iris by Cryptidink
Meet the alters: Lucy by Cryptidink
Structural Dissociation by heresChara
Depression
Don't let go by WazatorashiiGaikokuj
My Guardian Angel by WazatorashiiGaikokuj
The Depression Club (Poem),The Depression Club By J.C. SolisI am a man who now suffers this curseAs my aching heart is getting much worseI am a man who wants to now feel joyI do not like my heart played with and toyedSo it seems another soul has now comeAnother poor soul with a heart turned numbAnd it seems help for Him has come too lateFor he has now met this Terrible FateWhat did I do to deserve all this woe?Why can’t I heal my broken heart as so?Why must I feel this every single day?What crime am I being punished to pay?What’s worse, this can happen to anyoneAnd the anguish from the past is now doneBut know that your life still has joy to tellYou won’t be stuck forever in this HellWhy are there people who suffer this plight?Why is it so easy to lose your light?Why must I suffer this curse that I am?Do other people even give a damn?Why is it so unfair to those who now bleed?Because help never came to those in needWhy must we keep living with this self-blame?Because you can’t live down your made-up shameCan’t you see that I don’t deserve to live?You fool, you have a full life that can giveDoes God even care if I live or die?You never believed in Grace, so why cry?This is a state of mind that We carryAnd it’s a burden that we cannot buryThis is the mind that wants to self-destructAnd all good feelings it tries to obstructFor this is a state that many know wellFor We did create our own little hellAnd so many people have come to dieOver what we told ourselves – These Cruel LiesThis is a club that anyone can joinAnd does not require spending any coinThis is a feeling that We get for freeA feeling that brings us down to our kneesPlease pray for and help our members as soFor kindness and joy is what they don’t knowAnd please beware that you don’t join, tooFor you will forget all the joy you knewThis is a club that’s all over the worldAnd it is a place where hearts now turn curledThis is a place that has room for us allAnd is always waiting for you to fallBut don’t believe the lie that this is fateFor, to save yourself, it’s not yet too lateHave hope that one day, this club you will leaveSo long as, in Yourself, you still believeThis is a club where people come and goWhether alive or dead, no one does knowBut know that you still have humanityAnd from this cruel feeling you will be free……This is The Depression Club here todayAnd soon you’ll have the chance to leave One DayRemember to be strong and cast your sightThere’s still the chance to reach Tomorrow’s LightBelieve in Your Strengths, in God, or your HopeThat they can help you live through life and copeRemember that this is not yet the endNow live life in peace. Well-wishes We send…
Essence Of Grief by ArrowThruTheArt
Schizophrenia
The Mind of a Mortal - Chapter 1 (Preview)The Mind of a MortalChapter 1By J.C. Solis The silence of the room was shattered as the siren blared in a roar of annoying vitriol. Slumber was impossible with this cacophony, a sound that the man in his bed loathed to hear every time the morning came. With his eyes still closed, he extended his arm out and slammed it hard on the offensive device that called for his rouse. He could easily fall back to sleep for a few more moments, hoping to catch a few more Zzzs before starting with this new day. But there was no point. The sun was shining through the window as the new day awaited. There was nothing he could do to stymie it. There was no escaping his fate and his daily morning routine. Jasper slinked out of bed, his eyes rather crusty and his mind still half asleep. In all honesty, despite the weary eyes, he looked forward to today. It would be the start of the second week of the new semester of school. He wasn’t forced to get up get up at seven o’clock in the morning; his earliest class was at close to ten. Plus, though he lived in an out-of-dorm apartment, the school was close enough that he could walk there without too much effort. But early to bed and early to rise to make a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. No matter who came up with that quote, Jasper followed it to heart as he got ready to get his day started. His room was rather comfortable and homey, the place in a rather nice state of tidiness. It was strange for a college student to have a well-kept living space, especially since he was rather low maintenance. But while he didn’t pay the dirt and dust any mind, he made it a vow that he wouldn’t live in absolute filth. He went to his closet to get his clothes ready. He then took some undies and a towel with him to the bathroom in his room. He was thankful to be the one between him and his roommate to have the room with its own bathroom. Then again, the apartment was under Jasper’s name, and it was his father who put down the deposit. Walking in with his pile of undergarments, Jasper let the water turn warm as he looked at himself in the mirror and brushed his teeth. Being mostly clean-shaven with only the start of some scruff, his teeth now brushed and the rest of his look agreeable, he hopped into the shower. His broad shoulders and muscled frame relaxed with the torrent of water splashing on his form and let him feel at ease, with him trying hard to brace himself for today. Ten minutes of relaxing warm water and suds later and he hopped out, dried off, put on some deodorant, and began dressing himself. His outfit consisted of the usual attire that he would almost always wear and hardly ever grew tired of. He put on a black undershirt, a white long-sleeve button shirt, some dark blue jeans, and a black blazer jacket above his shirt, all with a pair of dress shoes slipped on his feet and a black wide-brim fedora on his dome. This was his usual attire, and it was one he adored. He’d receive the occasional compliment for his hat, and all the clothes gave the young man a rather strong, sophisticated look. He loathed dressing in outfits that didn’t fit his personality. He was, after all, a man who wished to keep his clothes pressed so that he could dress to impress. A splash of cologne would complement his looks, one with an aroma that gave off a rather strong and bold vibe. With the usual morning routine done, he carried on with other chores: making his bed, packing his backpack with school materials, and leaving his room in a mostly tidy state when done. And with everything in order, the well-groomed and nice-smelling man grabbed his pack and headed out. By now, it was still early, but his routine was far from over. Jasper walked down the hall of his apartment to the living room, where he expected to meet someone who also had a morning routine. The sound of papers folding, keyboard typing, and a spoon clanking on a bowl could be heard. The familiar voice of his roommate was evident by the noise, and for sure he was trying to multitask as he would every morning. The young man expected to see his ever-busy friend perhaps catching up on assignments that he should’ve spent the day before studying.Jasper entered the dining room and saw said roommate as he usually would. He sighed as the lanky, slender man juggled multiple tasks at the same time. He was taking spoonful after spoonful of cereal up to his mouth while he was typing away at the laptop in front of him while also jotting things down in a notebook in front of him. It was all rather impressive, the display of juggling between assignments something that few people could pull off. Then again, it would only take one misstep for disaster to come, and the man was no stranger to mishaps. One wrong move and that spoonful of delicious, sugary, milk-soaked cereal will perhaps ruin either the notes or the laptop keyboard. “Still jotting things down at the last minute, eh Chad?” said Jasper cheekily at his roommate, best friend since high school, and drinking buddy. “I think you need to manage your time more wisely, buddy. Doing stuff at the last minute will get you- “ “No shit, JC!” interrupted Chad, the man seemingly in no mood for being chastised. “I got held up by stuff, man. What can you expect from pursuing a career as a Mechanical Engineer? Half the goddamn time we’re stressed out of our minds trying to get assignments done on time.” “I take it that going to Downtown Long Beach with the buds and getting shitfaced from chugging booze on Saturday was also an assignment?” “No but getting a drink or two can help a bit with nerves. Unlike your goody-goody, teetotaler ass, I like a good drink now and again.” “I drink too, buddy. Just not anywhere near alcoholism.” At this, Chad finally conceded, stopping what he was doing as he faced Jasper. “All right, I get it, I messed up. Now, are you gonna just stand around and give me a hard time, or are you gonna make breakfast for yourself already?” He then bent his head down to his assignments. “The milk for cereal is back in the fridge, and the coffee is also done. I put a pot of Insomniac to get you wired up for today. Or if you wanna cook, we still got eggs, breakfast sausages, and bacon in the fridge. Your choice if you wanna whip something up or not.” Jasper thanked him for the notice, and he went to get his food ready. The option of cooking his meal was tempting, having plenty of time to do so. But cereal with milk would do just fine. Chadwick Parker was a near and dear friend to Jasper. His best friend for the longest, Chad was always a cheeky and fun-loving man who was down to earth and great to be around. But there were still some things that not even dear friendship could prevent, and that was being chastised for being a drunk the previous day. The kitchen was filled with the wonderful aroma of coffee. Insomniac was a popular brand of coffee, one that was exceptionally strong. One small mug was the equivalent of drinking multiple cans of energy drink, though one without the health risks that came with it. The young man just poured himself a large mug full of the stuff, hoping to perk up with a bit of jitter from the super-wired drink. With a bowl full of cereal with milk in one hand and a mug in the other, he returned to sit down with his friend to perhaps have a quick chat. But when he came back, Chad was already done with whatever assignment he had fallen behind on and was packing everything away. He needed to shower, perhaps take half an hour to get dressed and his pack ready. Jasper was now alone in the dining room. For anybody else, this seemed to be no issue, and with his friend having a big mouth that might be a blessing. But Jasper knew fully well who awaited him during these moments alone. He knew full well of the odd voice or two that would be heard as soon as he had time to himself. And said voices were something to fear, for nobody was physically around for this strange phenomenon to be real. “Eat up, Jasper. You have a long day ahead,” said a feminine voice from out of nowhere. “Why bother? You’re destined to fail this year again, just like the others,” said a harsh, derogative-filled voice. “Do you think you can make the most of today? You better not mess up like you do all the other days,” noted another, less helpful voice. Jasper was bombarded by voice after condescending voice. Normally these figments of the mind posted no real issue other than annoyance. But the repetition of it all slowly wore him down. As he put a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and took crunchy bites of his food, he could well hear the discord that never seemed to quiet down. It was enough to drive a normal person insane. But Jasper was already slightly insane, and he couldn’t be more out of touch with reality if he tried. At that moment, a figure in black walked up and sat on the chair next to him – a figure he knew all too well. It was only a matter of time before HIM showed up again. “Don’t mind the voices, Jasper,” said the shadow man. “Just keep eating and having your fill. You have a long day ahead of you. Doctor Peterson is going to be discussing Plato today in Philosophy. I hope you’ll pay attention well enough to his lecture.” Jasper tried to ignore the man in black, but he knew that he needn’t speak for HIM to continue. “The Doctor is always such an amazing orator. Out of all the professors you have, he is the one I most admire. I hope you give him a good ear and turn in your homework on time. You are his best student, after all.” “I always do,” replied Jasper. He knew he shouldn’t respond, but his annoyance got the better of him. “You know that by now. He’s my favorite teacher, and I always pay attention.” “Good. Let us keep that up, then,” noted the man in the shadows. “I am glad that he has taken you up as a mentor. He seems like a sage man from whom to take advice. It’s only a shame that you had that anxiety attack in the middle of class last semester for him to take notice of you.” The memory of that event struck a nerve in Jasper. Now feeling a tinge of anger, Jasper chomped onto his spoonful of cereal and tried to ignore the shadow man as he continued eating and sipping coffee. It was then that the young man pulled out some pills that he had in his shirt pocket – his number one weapon against the forces at play. Without wasting a moment, he drank the antipsychotics with gusto, hoping that the delusions would die down. But HIM would not be dispersed so easily. The shadow man continued his rambling, on and on and on, with no end to the chatterbox apparition. “Will you be quiet?!” roared Jasper at his bothersome company. “What? Was it something I said?” teased the shadow. At this, the door to Chad’s room came open and the tall and slender man came out fully dressed and with his laptop bag ready for school. “Hey, buddy, you okay? I heard a bit of commotion going on out here,” wondered the man about his dear friend’s outburst. Jasper looked sheepishly at Chad, hoping that he hadn’t heard his yell. He turned to face HIM and give him a scowl. But the apparition was gone, out of sight and free of punishment. The man could only look back at his friend with flushed cheeks of embarrassment. “Sorry about that,” sighed Jasper. “You know my deal. I just can’t control myself at times.” All Chad did was nod his head in return. He knew of his friend’s condition. Frankly, he was surprised that he kept it all together as much as he did. With his bowl of cereal and mug of coffee empty, Jasper took the dishes to the sink and picked up his backpack. It would be a bit of a walk back toward the school, but nothing that a good talking session between two best friends wouldn’t cheer up. As the two besties walked out of their apartment and onto the streets of Long Beach, they started talking about all the events that were going to take place in the coming days. Above all else there was the Student Union Club Meet, which was an extracurricular event that hosted all of the clubs and organizations of the university. It would be the perfect place to meet like-minded people with the same passions one had. And for sure, some of their other friends would love to get involved with them. The two friends walked onto the big campus of California State University Palo Verde, which was a strange name considering it didn’t adopt the name of its home city. But then what the university did have was a beautiful campus full of green plants, clean streets, passersby, and a whole host of things to see and do. The school was a rather historic one, having been founded in the days after World War II. It was the jewel of the city of Long Beach, where many famous actors, athletes, scientists, philosophers, and even politicians came to earn their merits. For the two friends, it was the most convenient big university to attend. It was the one where they hoped to earn their degrees, make waves in the community, and live a comfortable life in bliss with their new careers… that is if being a mechanical engineer for Chad was blissful. Maybe Jasper’s choice to become a professional writer would prove less stressful. The two friends walked along the main street, with cars and buses full of students passing them by. The streets were full of students who were on their way to class, hyped up on coffee and energy drinks and hoping to arrive early to class to get a good seat. At the center of the campus was the main landmark: the University Student Union building. It was the central building for clubs, extracurriculars, and administration, and was a popular hangout for people wanting to relax within its many lounges. There was a large billiards lounge, an indoor bowling alley, a video game lounge, and even hosted one of the school’s food courts. The Student Union was a place of respite, a place where students could come to kick back and relax after a long day on the grind. And it was here where the two friends would part company for the day. “I’ll see you around lunchtime with Lionel, buddy,” said Jasper. “Sure as hell. Just try to make sure the crazies don’t get you so upset that you end up yelling out in public,” warned Chad. “I’ll keep that in mind once the crazies annoy the living fuck out of me,” stated Jasper with sass. And with that, the friends gave each other a fist bump and went their separate ways. Jasper honestly liked walking to class at this time in the morning. There was always so much ambiance and activity. The Student Union was built onto a hill, and next to it was an escalator and stairway that led up to the top of said hill. Up above it, one would come across the second, much larger food court, and after walking past it came the Bookstore and Student Shop. There were always vendors around this area, with people hawking wares of different niches and specialties. Though he wanted to head to class, Jasper figured that there was still plenty of time before taking the front-row seat. These shops were always so interesting, featuring things that drew anyone with a hint of curiosity. One shop was selling New Age memorabilia and incense, which smelled wonderfully from where Jasper was. There were shark tooth necklaces and necklaces with all sorts of beautiful birthstones. Jasper was tempted to buy one of Aquamarine, the stone of his birth month of March. But having been recently bled dry by school bookstore purchases left him without the will to make a pricey exchange. There were also other stalls with books, vinyl records, electronics, and even posters of movies and famous people. The posters with people on them were probably something that Jasper should’ve stayed away from. He could see Scarface Tony Montana looking at him with crazy eyes as if wanting Jasper to say hello to his little friend. There was also the famous scene of Marylin Monroe having her skirt blasted by a grate underneath. She looked at Jasper with a wry look, a mix of embarrassment at him catching her underskirt and a flirtatious feeling of wanting to show him what else was under her skirt – just underwear no doubt. And there were so many other famous people and characters on posters all over the stall. It would be nice to buy one to hang on a room wall. But once again, broke college students would be better off saving their money for a rainy day. The young man spent a good deal of time over at the vendor stalls, admiring all of the neat baubles and unique merchandise for sale. Apart from the New Age Memorabilia and the Posters, there were also books, accessories like sunglasses and rings, and even clothes – though mostly for women. He could spend all his time carousing through the stands crammed full of useless crap and be utterly taken by all of the neat items. But sadly for him, he could not afford to spend more time within this mecca of junk. He needed to snatch up a choice seat in the lecture hall. Being a class that tended to fill up early, there was a need to find appropriate seating before all else. But though Jasper walked away from the hallucinations he felt while browsing the poster, said hallucinations did not go away upon his leaving. There were plenty of strange contortions all around him. The buildings became castles and dungeons, which the valiant heroes had to go to conquer the beasts and tasks hidden within. The treasure of knowledge was hidden within the walls of the buildings that surrounded him, treasures that would serve to boost the brave adventurers’ understanding and offer aid to the careers that these brave adventurers were pursuing. He was on his way to one of these dungeons, in the hopes of defeating the boss of the day and rescuing a fair maiden. The many adventurers all around him, all of different sizes, job classes, races, and moral alignments were heading to defeat the beast they needed to face and find victory within the day. Jasper wondered what treasures he’d come across this day over at Professor Peterson’s class. His mind was filled with the prospect of learning about the great philosophers from history. There was so much that he wanted to learn about both classical and more contemporary philosophy. And He mused as to what he could stand to learn within these dungeon walls. Maybe he’d get to meet a fair maiden within the confines of the dungeon prison. And a maiden was something that Jasper would be sure to bump into, perhaps literally. He failed to notice a golden light shine ahead of him. A maiden with flowing blonde hair and blue eyes and with fetching clothes awaited him. She was of a majesty that far outclassed the man, an air of sophistication that the plebian lad was perhaps too poor and simple to understand. This was a maiden of fate, one who would undoubtedly guide the future down wherever the higher powers deemed. He didn’t know just how important this woman was for him, and to whatever future his life would lead to. His madness didn’t allow him to the world for what it was – the dungeons and castles being a school with semi-beautiful buildings and quad areas. And as for that maiden, maybe she should’ve been careful as to where she was walking.Jasper walked right into the young woman, who also didn’t appear to be paying attention to her surroundings. The woman let out a startled yelp, not expecting to bump into someone so suddenly. What’s more, she was carrying a book and some loose paper – which all spilled onto the floor as she lost control of her possessions. The young man immediately snapped out of his trance, his face immediately becoming flush from embarrassment at the blunder. “Eek!” squeaked the shocked madame. And with that, down fell the learning materials. “Oh god,” cried Jasper, realizing what he caused. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see where I was going.” And with that, he bent down to help the young woman pick up her papers. “No worries. I wasn’t paying attention to where I went either,” said the woman in a noticeable British accent. Judging from the sound of her voice, she must have been a transfer student. Both of them picked up everything that had spilled to the ground. It was just good that there wasn’t any rain, otherwise, the spilled items would have taken a good soaking. Jasper handed the items he collected back to their owner, happy to have made amends for the mistake of bumping into her by accident. He made a mental note of needing to take a better look at his surroundings. Perhaps a less understanding person would not have been as kind as her. “Here you go, and again I’m so sorry for bumping into you.” “No worries, chap. I’ve got to watch where I’m going as well. Can’t go bumping into strangers all willy-nilly now can we?” The two looked at each other for a good while, with Jasper quite taken by the young woman. She appeared to be around the same age as him, perhaps a bit younger. He, for one, was 23 years old, and the lass appeared to be a year less. And for her age she would definitely turn some heads were anyone out to try and hook up with her. “Are you coming to Doctor Peterson’s class?” he asked, hoping to break the ice after the collision earlier. “It’s going to start in a few more moments. If not, then perhaps I can guide you to where your class is if you don’t know your way around campus.” “Ah, yes, I am coming to this class,” confirmed the lass. “Is that the professor’s name? I didn’t pay much attention else to specifics other than this professor teaching Beginning Philosophy. I wasn’t even intending to study Philosophy, as my major is in Psychology.” With this noted, Jasper felt that it was time to make formal introductions. “The name is Jasper, by the way – Jasper Collin Sarcassia, but my friends call me JC. I take it that you’re a transfer student?” “Lovely meeting you, JC,” noted the lass. “The name is Sylvia – Sylvia May Thompson, and I hail from the United Kingdom. I guess my bloody accent gave that away, though.” Jasper took a further look at the young woman, noting her look and form. Sylvia was a rather fetching woman, her figure in an hourglass shape, and not too thin nor too thick. Her hair was blond and flowing in long locks that went all the way to the middle of her back. She was currently wearing a gray parka on top of a white top, with black tights on her legs, and her feet covered with fur-lined boots. Her face was mostly blemish-free without too much of a hint of makeup other than eyeliner and lipstick. And her eyes were a bombshell aquamarine color. Her beauty was evident to all those who came up to her, and it was evident to Jasper as well. But overall, it remained to be seen whether this woman would make a fine acquaintance. Sylvia could be a good study buddy for any of the class projects. He read on the online syllabus that there were several duo-paired assignments to be done with another student. Though he thought about doing all of those with another friend whom he knew was taking this very class, it wouldn’t hurt to have his options open in terms of partners and study mates. Speaking of that specific friend, he was taking his sweet time coming here. It was already a couple of minutes before class started, and yet his friend showed no sign of appearing. Jasper hoped he would arrive soon, otherwise, he’d have to save him a spot if he headed inside. “Shall we go in? Class is gonna start in a bit, and I kinda wanna get a seat in the front row,” Jasper told Sylvia. “Oh, the front row? Curiously, I planned on sitting there as well,” admitted Sylvia. “Maybe we can sit next to each other… that is if you don’t mind at least.” The man agreed. It’d be nice to sit with her while he waited for his friend. For all he knew, he’d be making a new buddy to keep in touch with. But he wasn’t thinking about anything carnal or sensual or anything in that regard; unlike Chad, he was far from being a horndog, and he hoped that his friends wouldn’t get the wrong idea. Then again, there would no doubt be teasing over him potentially scoring with a pretty lady. The two entered the large room, one with hundreds of seats inside. It was practically an auditorium all on its own, the sheer size able to accommodate a good-sized amount of students. The place was not yet full, but already choice seats were being filled in by those who wanted to get them early. The two went to the seats they agreed upon, walking to the very front row. They took their seats, with Sylvia sitting on the right of Jasper. He then put his backpack on the left seat, hoping to save it for his friend. But the class was now close to starting. The seats were being filled, the professor would arrive at any moment, and the friend still showed no signs of appearing. It was then that a tall, yet rotund man came out from the side, one with the long gray beard of a sage and the attire of a gentleman. The man was wearing a gray tweed suit outfit and came with a suitcase. He looked rather flustered, as though he had been rushing to come to class. He pulled out cables from his case and plugged in a laptop he brought out to the projector system so that he could present his lecture on the first day of the second week. The second week was going to start with some works from ancient Greece, perhaps Plato or Aristotle. The man looked at the filling class, noticing Jasper in the front row. He smiled at the young man, seemingly happy to see him as he waved. There seemed to be a connection between the student and teacher, and it seemed odd considering this was barely the start of the semester, and as far as anybody knew Jasper hadn’t met the professor beforehand. But what many people don’t know is that Jasper and the professor go ways back, a bit of history having long since been established. The man was none other than Dr. Jeremiah Peterson, a sage man with many long years full of experience on his belt. He was a well-regarded figure in the world of philosophy and was even the Head of the Philosophy branch of Palo Verde University. He taught much more complex classes than Philosophy 101, but then again the man was happy to guide youths into the beginning of a vast and outstretching glimpse into the world of great ideals, morals, and ethics. “Hello, class. Welcome to the second week of school, and if you’ve made it this long into my class then that means you either like this class, are majors in philosophy, or desperately needed to fill out the extracurricular requirement for graduation,” joked the professor into his microphone, much to the class’s laughter. “Whatever your reason for sticking around, you won’t be disappointed. Today we are going to look into Plato and the realm of Reality and Metaphysics. Now, let me ask all of you… what is reality? How do you know that we, the world around us, and everything that you see really-?” The professor carried on with his lecture. It was often like this, with the man getting in-depth with his love of the Greek classics. Once the old geezer started there seemed to be no way to stop him. It was evident by the way that he carried on that he was very interested in classical philosophy, no matter how convoluted the subject matter may end up becoming. “That is why Plato believed in absolute objects and perfect examples in the metaphysical realm. He believed that somewhere out there, in the vast open world, there was a perfect example of what a real-world object would look like from which all other objects based on that example would look like. If you have a table in your kitchen, then Plato believed that somewhere out there was the perfect table, one from which all other tables were based. If there was a perfect table, then there could be other perfect things out there, perhaps even a perfect human.” Jasper enjoyed the lecture being given by the professor. But as intrigued as he was, he still could not help but have his mind wander about as the world around the lecture hall started to contort around him. His head spun around to see the room and all of its students started to warp around him. Though he tried to suppress himself, he couldn’t keep it together. Everything began to warp and twist, his mind seeing things that weren’t there. But for as strange as things were, when the doors that led into the classroom burst open, something appeared that he believed wasn’t a hallucination. A young man charged into the room, his face red as he walked down the aisle towards Jasper and his newly made friend Sylvia. The man was perhaps the same age as Jasper, though he was rather lanky and tall. Jasper pulled his backpack away from the seat that he had been saving for him, his friend glad to have a seat so close to class just like how the two agreed upon. “Sorry for being a bit late, JC,” whispered the tardy young man into Jasper’s ear. “I was held up by traffic outside of school. You know how packed the traffic lines tend to get. Well, just my luck, an accident happened, and I had to wait it out.” Jasper was understanding, seeing as how there were some things that not everyone could control. “It’s okay, Lionel bro. I’m just glad you hauled ass while you could,” he whispered back. The whispers, though, weren’t silent enough to keep the professor from reacting. “Ahem!” the professor said as he cleared his throat, but more than anything as a warning to the students to not disturb the class. With the tardy student Lionel now in his seat, he pulled out his notebook to try and take notes from what remained of the class. Lionel James Lancaster was a good friend of Jasper’s, one who had been with him ever since the early days of High school. The young man was a very good friend and one who stuck by Jasper and all of his eccentricities. He even stood by him during the worst of his mental illness, allowing him to confide in another close friend. He was a down-to-earth and sincere young man, one who perhaps was passionate about many things. But underneath his quirkiness and gung-ho demeanor lay a man who was willing to do anything for others, and he was especially thankful for the seat his friend saved for him. Jasper was grateful for friends like Lionel, and he hoped to make another friend in the form of Sylvia. But despite being in between two people he knew, he just could not stop his brain from seeing the surreal and the supernatural. He turned around to see the students that made up the lecture hall, all a mishmash of heights and colors and shapes and sizes. He couldn’t help but notice those with extended necks who reached the ceiling, those who seemed much taller seat than they did standing. He saw those wearing sorcerer attire; mystics who practiced in the dark arts and were wearing clothes that showed their allegiance to the Dark Side. Some wore fanciful outfits of lords and noblemen and women who were of higher standing than others. There were even those who wore armor, those who were of wars that were long fought, wearing camouflage fatigues that showed off a warrior who fought in great conflicts between many nations who hated each other’s guts. There was such a great kaleidoscope of people of all sorts of backgrounds and origins. His perception couldn’t help but hyperbolize the inconsistencies that his psychotic mind processed. His perceptions perhaps saw in excess what was normal all along: a goth girl, a soldier-student in fatigues, those dressed in suits and fancier clothes, and those who still looked tall despite being seated, giving a good idea of how tall they were when standing. He turned his head to look at the lass to his right, the woman of fate he bumped into. Sylvia was looking on at Professor Peterson as he discussed more Platonic metaphysics and the ideas that the great Greek philosopher thought over two and a half thousand years ago. The woman was interested in the haggard old man full of wind as he bleated more and more about the past actions of great men. And it was at this moment that a familiar voice came to Jasper. Though he was not present in the room, he could hear the voice of HIM taunting him. “You seem to like this girl a lot, eh Jasper?” said HIM with a bit of a snicker. “She is rather fetching though, I must admit. She’d make for a great girlfriend.” Jasper frowned upon hearing these words. He didn’t like when HIM delved deep into his thoughts, bringing up whatever hidden things he kept stored away within his brain’s recesses. The voice would do this whenever he was looking at something else. “You ought to reach out to her when the class is over, Jasper,” continued the voice of HIM. “This kind of opportunity does not carry on for itself. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get to know her better. There wouldn’t be too much harm in that.” It was a shame too that Doctor Peterson was addressing his students while the psychotic voice was being heard, for Jasper was at his wit’s end and running out of patience. “It’s interesting that Plato thought about the metaphysical concept of perfect items that represented the real-world equivalence of that item. Can you imagine a perfect chair, table, or even a perfect laptop? I know my daughters would have loved one of those when- “ “Shut up!” blurted out a voice in the front of the class. The students laughed and snickered, perhaps noting how one student within the class was having enough of the professor’s monologue and wanted him to move on. But Jasper didn’t mean what he said. His mortified face said it all, and his embarrassment only proved to heat his collar even more. He could only look in shame at the Professor for blurting out as a result of his annoyance. He waited for the professor to look at him, perhaps giving him a stern talking-to or chastisement in the middle of class. But Doctor Peterson just smiled at the young man. He nodded his head, assuring the young man that there was nothing to fear. And to further drive his nonchalant feelings about the outburst, the professor turned to the rest of the class and said: “That is exactly what I say whenever my youngest daughter would also bug me about buying her the new iPhone when she was still a teen. Maybe I’m too old to understand this, but I don’t know the youths’ fascination with the newest technology.” It was then that a lightbulb lit. “The perfect iPhone, so Plato would muse. I imagine that every basic girl would love to own that.” The class once more burst into laughter, a good laugh to enjoy at an unfortunate outburst. “But in reality, my friend over there was just tired of listening to how Plato talked about the perfect table or chair. Not surprising that many people throughout history don’t understand what most would consider metaphysical bullshit, as did my yelling friend out there. I am over sixty years old and have a pedigree in classical philosophy, and yet to me as well this looks like Plato pulled this idea straight out of his ass.” The room burst into laughter, the professor proving to be just as efficient in comedy as he did in teaching. The lecture continued despite the outburst, and the Professor promised to stop talking about Plato’s metaphysics after this class. And with that, the lecture came to an end as he told the class to consult the syllabus for tonight’s homework and what to study through the night for the next lecture. Jasper, feeling horrid over what had happened, walked up to the professor to clear things up. “I’m sorry, Professor. I couldn’t control myself there. I just… I was…” The old man smiled as he looked at his student. “Think nothing of it, Jasper. I know of your condition. Hell, I was even able to make a few jokes because of it. I know that things can be difficult for you to manage. So long as you don’t do it intentionally, I’m perfectly fine with it.” But Jasper could not help but look on with shame. He would need to make sure to not go over the edge with his anger against HIM. For now, all he could do was walk out with Lionel, who asked him what the outburst was about. When Jasper replied that he felt off, the friend didn’t push it any further. Outside of the lecture hall, the friends came across the same young woman from before. Sylvia was looking at her phone when Jasper and Lionel came up to her. Once again Jasper felt embarrassed, having to explain to her what he went through as well. “I’m sorry about that, Sylvia. I just… tend to have outbursts from time to time. It’s just really hard to control my impulses,” Jasper admitted. “No worries, JC love. It all sounds rather personal, so I’m not going to push it.” But it seemed she looked embarrassed over something as well. “Um, Jasper… I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Jasper looked up at her, seeing her aquamarine eyes. “Would you mind if we shared numbers? I’ve been meaning to ask you if you could be my study partner for this class. I don’t know anyone else to turn to since we do have connections from that little accident we had out of class. Plus, Philosophy is not my strong suit, and you seem to know it well.” Jasper smiled. “I’d love to, Sylvia. Just give me a call whenever, and we can arrange a study session. Heck, I can probably help you with other things as well,” he offered. The newly formed friends shared numbers, and with that Sylvia went on her way to the library, leaving Jasper and Lionel to themselves. The friend, though, was a little coy with Jasper as to what just happened between them. “Nice job with the score, bro,” cheered Lionel. “You didn’t even have to ask her for your number, and she gave it to you. You gotta tell me how you do it, man.” “Shut up, you dolt,” griped Jasper as his friend snickered. Jasper told his friend about what happened earlier and what caused the strangers to be friendly. It was all rather curious for Lionel, and even more so when the man revealed the cause of his outburst. “Well, I guess it could be fate that you bumped into her, JC,” noted Lionel. “But I hope you won’t have an outburst around her next time. She might get the idea that you’re kinda kooky.” “Well, so long as HIM and the other crazies don’t give me too much of a hard time, I’ll manage.” It was then that Lionel brought something up that would be interesting. “So, what do you think of the School Union Club Meet tomorrow? Are you going to come and look at the clubs? I think that you’d enjoy joining a few of them if you’re interested.” “Dunno, buddy. I haven’t had my mind set on joining anything extracurricular.” Lionel then suggested one club in particular, pulling out his phone and showing t to Jasper. “Well, what about this club? They’ve been hitting it up and are getting popular.” Jasper saw an image of a man in something like a furry animal costume, with several other people wearing accessories and other items that looked like they came from animals. He knew what these people were, what they did, and was honestly surprised that the university would host a club based on them. “The Palo Verde Creature Club? So furries are coming to school?” wondered Jasper. “Yeah, isn’t it awesome? I’m planning on joining them tomorrow. They’re an out-of-school group, but now they’re becoming an official school club. They’re going to be having parties, joining in parades, and even hosting gaming events and other stuff. They’ve been taking off these past few weeks, and now they’re moving their base to the school.” Jasper was honestly intrigued. He knew of the furry community well, as well as the heavy stigma they have of being heavily sexualized and eccentric. But at the same time, he wasn’t one to judge a book by its cover. He hoped to see this club tomorrow and whatever craziness they were sure to bring. He wasn’t one to delve into fantasy too much, but he was willing to see for himself what this club was all about. Lionel, for one, was engrossed in this community, and he even identified himself as a furry. Jasper wasn’t going to judge anyone for wearing an animal costume, much less if his friends wanted to wear one. With this in mind, Jasper and Lionel headed off to the food court to grab a bite to eat. Chad was probably waiting on them, and Lionel couldn’t wait to tell him that Jasper hooked up with a girl without him even trying. But aside from that, it was going to be interesting about what tidings this club was going to bring. There were going to be plenty of clubs from which to choose. Whatever club Jasper would end up joining would have to wait till tomorrow when the event takes fold. And whatever would happen as a result of all these clubs coming together remained to be seen.
The Mind of a Mortal - Prologue (Preview)The Mind of a MortalPrologue By J.C. Solis The rain on this winter day in Long Beach was cold, the wind chill making the already frigid waters falling from the sky intolerable to most, and the gloomy skies offered no reprieve from the solemnity of the day. Even if one was having a great day, enjoying life, having had a wonderful time at school or work, eating a splendid lunch, or doing a myriad of other things to bring elation, the dark clouds in the sky were sure to bring said joy to a halt. The region’s current drought only added insult to injury – rain would only come with a dreary that made one hunger for a cocktail of Xanax and Zoloft. The only thing to counter the gloom was that the rain was much welcome in this dry, dry land, bringing new life to the flora that was in desperate need of a good soaking. The clinic was quiet, though; warm even. The smell of the morning’s coffee lingered in the air, only for that scent to be reinforced by the coffee machine that the clinic patients could use to make something for themselves. The cold made a drink of tea, coffee, or cocoa very welcome, and so folks helped themselves to that. The air was comfortable in the clinic, with the patients sitting in the lobby as they awaited their turn to see the medic on the other side of the door. The patients were a vast array of young folks, most of them teenagers or young adults. They came from different walks of life, from different houses, and from different paths. They were of different ethnicities and races, different styles of clothes, different orientations in sex and life views, and so much more that distinguished one another. It was a mixing pot of different people, ideals, and trains of thought. But one thing that every one of them had in common was this: they all had something troubling them. However, the trouble was not something physical, though it was still something that perturbed them dearly. It was bothersome in the lesser and crippling in the extreme. It was something about them that led to stays in hospital wards, attempts on their own lives, or perhaps may not resolve even with attempts of therapy and cocktails of medicine alone. It was a condition, an illness of sorts. It was something that they all had, though perhaps different from each other. If so-called ‘normal’ people heard of the things these poor youths had, perhaps some judgments might be made against them. Prejudice was another repercussion of having what these people had. Jasper Colin Sarcassia took a sip of tea as he sat in the big lobby full of ill people with his parents on either side of him. His legs were shaking, his heart was racing, and his thoughts cloudy. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that he had. On top of the coffee table in front of him were magazines of all sorts that ranged in topics from health, fitness, science, and psychology. But what they all had in common was that people in front of those magazines were all staring right back at him. He could not escape the gaze of these inanimate objects. He could not find peace as he took sips of tea. His mother, Mary, was clutching his free hand, assuring him that everything was going to be fine. The mother looked rather tense, her eyes with bags underneath and her blond locks of hair looking rather unkempt. She hadn’t slept well and underslept in her worry for her son. Her husband Paul, meanwhile, looked as calm as can be, unphased by his son and his worries. He had no reason to be – this was all just a misunderstanding of overblown proportions, something that could be fixed with a good talk and with getting some things off of one’s chest. The door that lead into the belly of the clinic creaked open, and a female nurse in pink scrubs stepped out with a clipboard. “Jasper Sarcassia. Doctor Haynes would like to see you,” said the nice lady. Jasper slowly got out of his seat as he and his parents walked over to the nurse, passing by the gaze of some of the others – with some of those others being inanimate. He was nervous to see his fate, or whatever the doctor had planned for him. This wasn’t his first time coming to the clinic and it wouldn’t be the last. But though the clinic was designed to look comfortable and inviting, simply put there were things that no cutesy designs or even sweet-tasting hot beverages can mitigate. The room was full of suffering, and all the faces within all had a tale of woe behind them. It was supposedly a place to heal, but the sad part was that healing would not be achieved after one visit to the doctor. Jasper and his parents walked past the door and were guided by the nurse to the office of the good doctor. They walked down the hall to the second door on the left, the plaque containing the words “Colton Haynes, MD, Ph.D.” hanging to the side. The three entered past the door into an office that looked rather homey and comfortable. The good doctor was sitting on a revolving chair, his back turned to the family as he appeared to be busy with something on his desk. He then turned around, revealing himself to be a middle-aged man with a brown beard and balding head, along with black and round spectacles on his face. He looked at Jasper with a slight smile, though his face still looked gaunt and stiff. The man didn’t look too warm, but at the same time didn’t come off as intimidating. His face was interested in what the young man would have to say to him. And as he saw Jasper and his parents take their seats, the doctor looked on with interest in his charge. “I hope you’ve been having a good time since last week, Jasper,” replied the doctor. “I heard from Jenny, your therapist, that you had many interesting things to say.” Jasper bent his head down, seemingly unwilling to speak out. In response to his son’s silence, Paul went ahead to ask the questions. “Did you receive the test results from the Neuropsychic and Psychology testing, Doctor?”The doctor looked at Paul, pushing back his glasses in place. “Yes, Mister Sarcassia. I’ve just been pondering the results of all the examinations that we’ve done with Jasper over the past few months. They’ve all been very interesting and highly informative.” “Will you be able to come up with a diagnosis for our son with this information, Doctor?” asked Mary, her face as worried as ever. “Perhaps, but I want to be extra careful with a mind like Jasper’s. There’s no doubt that he harbors great mental capacity. His IQ test proves it – at 147, he proves to be no imbecile.” “Of course, he’s not stupid,” snarked Paul. “He was on track to being in the Highest Honor Achievement Award for his class. He would’ve succeeded until he got a little bit sick, but I think he can get right on track for that.” “A little sick, Paul?” sneered Mary. “Our boy complains of hearing voices and being afraid of everything around him. He’s more than a little sick!” The doctor stepped in, hoping to not have a family squabble in his office. “Like I was saying, I don’t want to be hasty and give your son the wrong diagnosis. He suffers heavily from psychosis, his emotional faculties have been blunted, and his cognitive skills and sense of reality have also been hampered. I’d say he’s on track for diagnosis with a psychotic illness. He’s been documented with all of this for a long while now.” The doctor leaned back on his chair, looking between the data on his clipboard and the worried family in front of him. He then looked at Jasper, hoping to get more information straight from the source. “What do you think you have, Jasper? With all that is going on, what illness do you think you qualify for?” Jasper looked up from the ground, with his face stoic and blank. He kept looking at a chair that was empty on the opposite side of the room, almost as though there was someone there. “I… I guess… well… You said I have psychosis, which I do. And I’m not all that emotional or stressed, or at least not stressed from other stuff apart from seeing stuff that isn’t there.” He then bent his head down again, hoping whoever was eyeing him would not gaze directly at him. “I guess that what I have might be Schizophrenia.” Doctor Haynes put a hand to his beard, stroking it as he heard confirmation of his hunch. “You know what, I’m inclined to agree. All of these symptoms seem to me like the hallmark of Schizophrenia. You hit it right on the nose there, Jasper.” But Paul begged to differ. “Absolutely not!” the father blurted out. “My son is not crazy!” “Paul, calm down!” cried Mary. “Listen to the doctor. He knows a lot more about these things than us..” But the Doctor laid down the law, leaning forward to the parents to convey his authority. “No need, Misses Sarcassia. I prefer that people show what is really on their mind.” The doctor looked at Paul more intensely, noting the father’s intolerance. “I want to clarify, Mister Sarcassia, that we prefer not to use the term ‘Crazy’ when we reference people with mental conditions. And to clarify even further, your son is not crazy and is unlikely to be that. Mental illness is not something to be taken lightly, of course, but at the same time, it should not be stigmatized. If your son suffers from a chronic form of Schizophrenia, then he will need to be looked after carefully. I’ve seen many youths get much worse than they were because they didn’t receive enough care and understanding from those at home, and some even act in very drastic ways, may I add.” Paul calmed down, but his face still showed a man who wanted to give his own two cents. “Well… even if my son does have Schizophrenia—which he doesn’t, how is this going to affect him in school and life? I don’t want him to be on drug cocktails the rest of his life.” “He will be prescribed medication as needed, Mister Sarcassia. I’m not one to go gung-ho and prescribe him an entire pharmacy’s worth of medicine. But I will prescribe him an antipsychotic and an antidepressant. The antidepressant will be taken at night since it also works as a sleep aid and causes drowsiness. He will only need to take these two medicines and at a low dose. The genome testing we did on Jasper will help us narrow down the antidepressant for him in case we need to switch to another.” Jasper continued to eye the floor of the room, his face with a blank and empty gait as he let the doctor explain the rest of the test results and give confirmation on the official diagnosis. The Doctor grabbed his notes and made them clear to the parents about his diagnosis for him. Despite the rampart from his father, the young man would be diagnosed as a Schizophrenic. And yet, upon hearing the diagnosis branding him, Jasper’s face betrayed not a hint of worry or dismay. He looked on at the floor, only giving parting glances at the figure that sat on the empty chair across from him. The young man, whatever his diagnosis was, would have to face a world that ebbed and flowed around him. Even as the doctor and his parents discussed the side effects of the medicines he would end up taking, he felt his mind getting weaker and stronger, fading out and then coming back in. It was a unique feeling that few people ever experienced; the ones who do, however, wish that they didn’t. The following hour in the clinic would be spent with the parents deliberating the newly prescribed medication, with brunt commentary from Paul every step of the way. There was also time for Jasper to recount his symptoms. The young man spoke of voices and delusions, of things that were and weren’t there. He gave vivid depictions of it all, and all of it was troubling. The youth had a rough time, given everything he told. It was something that the parents didn’t like to push too much, for they knew that having their son retell his symptoms brought him discomfort and embarrassment. When he felt unsure and would stammer, the Doctor assured him there was nothing to worry about. Everyone in the room was on his side. Everyone was just there to help him. At the end of the sit-down, Jasper and his parents bade the doctor farewell, feeling content with what they discussed. Jasper walked away with his parents, as well as with whatever entity was with him on the chair opposite him in the room. The family left with newly prescribed medicine, and Doctor Haynes was left with plenty of new information to delve into. With his mind heavy with new info, the Doctor got off his seat and went for the window. The rain still hadn’t let up, and the sky was still morose and gloomy. He let out a sigh as he looked on at the sky ahead of him. A flash of bright light arced in the distance, a bolt from the blue that the weatherman warned would come. There would be more than just water to be wary of this day. Doctor Haynes turned and looked at his notes on his desk. He couldn’t help but feel empathy for the lad that was just with him a few moments ago. It wasn’t uncommon for youths around Jasper’s age to develop a mental illness. Schizophrenia would commonly develop at this age. But whenever he saw the anxiety and tension that came in the eyes of youths like Jasper, he couldn’t help but feel the dagger sink into his heart. Jasper had a face that he knew all too well; he knew that the lad was perhaps hallucinating all this time – all while he and his parents deliberated on how to proceed with his care. He knew that besides the boy and his parents, there were probably other entities present within the room that only the young man could see, but who knew if those figures meant any goodwill to him? He knew that the youth would have a tough time in his life. He knew the difficult things he would have to endure. But he also saw a fierce intelligence within his mind that refused to yield. There was a strength within the young man, one which had so much locked potential and fierce intelligence. Whether or not Jasper would unlock this sealed potential and do great things remains to be seen. With this in mind, the Doctor sat at his desk and prepared for the next patient. The day was far from over for him, and whether rain or shine, others needed his help just as much as Jasper needed him. Other people need the help of the doctor as well. Whatever happens with Jasper will remain to be seen.
Believe in A Schizophrenic (Poem),Believe in A SchizophrenicAlt. Title: Believe in the Strength of a Schizophrenic By J.C. SolisI am a man who has suffered so muchI feel the curse of Insanity’s touchI am a man who now wants to be wellFor I am currently within this hellPlease believe every word that I’ve saidFor if not for strength, I’d long since be deadAnd now I want to reverse this foul curseBefore my illness just keeps getting worseI feel the voices, pains, and these liesThe creatures inside that wish that I dieI dissociate and enter new worldsThough these foul places are completely curledI want to believe that there’s still a chanceEven as my mind leaves me in a tranceI want to believe in Light past the darkFor I have lived these many years so starkBut though I feel this deep down in my bonesI remind myself that I’m not aloneI have friends and family who still careI still feel the hope that floats in the airI just want my mind to again feel wholeI want to know if I still have a soulI want to believe in strength in due kindAnd it is something that one day I’ll findFor there are many like Me who now liveThrough lives that have no more joy left to giveBut these people are tenacious as suchFor they still want to live their lives so much And as the days come, and time comes to passAs boy turns to man, and woman from lassI aim to reclaim what it is I lostEven if this goal comes at a great costBut the shadows dance, and demons aboundAs the voices come and start to surroundThe delusions misguide, the darkness hauntsAnd clouds the peace that I desperately wantThere is such a thing as great evil in turnThere is such a thing as a mind that’s spurnedThere is a chance for one to lose all hopeAnd it is a feeling that one can’t copeAnd yet the light, whether by man or GodHelps one recover despite the stark oddsFor though we think that our fates are now sealedWe, somehow, still are now able to healTime is the essence, Time full of gainWhether through joy or through nothing but pain We are the ones who still want to believeOur past we all no longer want to grieveAnd so it is said that we challenge blightOur eyes open up and again gain sightWe ask you Believe in our hearts and soulsFor through our illness, we took a hard tollWe ask you Believe and give us your handsFor then we can bring peace to all this landAnd so it is said, through haunts and through painThough this is a plight that we can’t refrainOthers and I just want to be happyOthers and I just want to be set freeAnd so I conclude, through this grand, long verseThat you see the burden from this foul curseThat you admire the strength that We have baredAnd that you still have the kindness to careI do not share this for attention as soI just want to advocate so you’ll knowThe Pain that We suffer still brings us fearThis pain that now makes us pay very dearBut no matter the odds, we’ll find a wayTomorrow still brings a bright, brand-new dayBelieve in A Schizophrenic in kindWe are the ones who almost lost their mindsWe are the ones who are touched and at lossWe suffer this curse that will never pauseBut so long we live, We try to live wellAnd We hope you don’t have to meet this hellAnd so I ask that in Me you BelieveFor it is this pain that now makes me grieveBut I will continue to find my peaceSo long I have time, and time still grants lease…
Dissociation - The Mind of a Schizophrenic (Poem),Dissociation The Mind of a Schizophrenic By J.C. Solis What is a man with a mind that’s not free? And can’t be whatever it wants to be What is a mind that has no such control? What is it like to still have a pure soul? (Who am I, where am I, what’s this I feel?A feeling that to Me barely feels real) What is this world where people live their lives? And search for peace of mind for which they strive (What is this place. And where am I right now? I’m so lost, and yet found my way somehow) What are these colors painted all around? (Why can’t I plant my feet down on the ground?) (What are these faces that the people sneer?) The Mentally Ill the people do fear For this is a world of judgement and mange (All while I start to feel further deranged) And with a mind that seems to lack control With tiredness that soon starts to take a toll What is this life with twists and turns around? (Why must I suffer in Life so profound?) What is psychosis to those who don’t see? (The voices were the few so kind to me) What is the feeling of being alone? (I don’t wish for people to hear my groans) (And as I suffer from a mind unkind As my illness slowly starts to unwind I am a man who is in so much pain And as such, I still barely remain sane) What is a mind who to all this it feels? (And lives a life that has a fate that’s sealed) (For Peace and Chaos are all that I know As I further delve deeper into woe For you may or not come to understand The madness that currently is at hand As I dissociate against my will And continue to fall much further ill) For this kind of Mind is fickle as so (As it barrages my feelings through throes) And this kind of Mind offers no such grace As it causes One to feel out of place What are these voices that One starts to hear (They are like people who are oh so dear) What are these hallucinations One sees? (Should I fear them, or bring them close to me?) What is psychosis to a Mind that’s gone? (As beautiful voices sing me a song) How does it feel to be both here and gone (Where in my life did everything go wrong?) And can one still live an enjoyable life? (Is this possible for me and my strife?) What can One do to break free from ones binds? (For Peace is still something I hope to find) Can a Mind like this still offer One Grace? (Can I overcome the Grim Life I face?) Can a Mind like this still find hope and love? Can Providence still give Grace from above? What can one do in both Day and Night? (As I strive to still one day find my light) (For I’m Schizophrenic, as you can see As this illness forces me on my knees And as I dissociate here and now I try to save my mind and soul somehow For until my mind is lost to the dark I still challenge this fate that is so stark I just wish I knew where I am now For I managed to arrive here somehow) And so, a mind is still very much blind And is at mercy of fate and the grind (And as my mind dissociates in pain) Does One hope One’s actions aren’t in vain This is the pain that many people feel (A pain that causes Me to retch and reel) For this is a Mind that has no more sight And causes One to fall further in blight As one dissociates, this much is true (Who am I, where am I, and who are you?)…...
Suicide and Death
Self portrait by heresChara
Like roses, we blossom then die by heresChara
A Hierarchy of Genres Ch. 2: Spoliarium pg 29 by CAPTAIN-CAPSLOCK-PHD
A Hierarchy of Genres Ch. 2: Spoliarium pg 24 by CAPTAIN-CAPSLOCK-PHD
Anxiety and Panic Disorders
The Tension in the Air (Poem),The Tension in the AirMental Health Awareness Month 2023 By J.C. SolisThe tension wells up inside of one’s heartFrom which fetid feelings begin to startThe tension builds up and cannot be stoppedAs feelings of fear mount up to the topThis is a feeling of dread and of frightWhich cannot be stopped with all of our mightFor this is innate right down to our mindsThis Anxiety which is far from kindFor let it be said that this tension killsAs it slowly saps away at our willsIt does not allow one to move alongFor it tears down people who’re weak and strongIt is a feeling that offers no peaceAnd it is relentless and does not ceaseFor the body wants to move and feel rightThough the mind feels frozen from this sheer frightAnxiety wells and will not go awayAnd it can completely ruin your dayAnd it leaves One afraid to even walkAnd removes One’s will to seek help and talkFor this is a feeling without compareThat leaves You gasping frightfully for airAs the chest grows tight and this feeling growsAs to what happens next, You do not knowThe heart beats hard within a rapid paceAs fear starts to show right onto Your faceAnd soon You are starting to gasp for airFor You cannot find your peace anywhereThen screams come out of your mouth in due shockAs the body tenses and your limbs lockAnd the feeling does not go away fastFor it is a feeling that’s here to lastThis is Anxiety at its most starkA feeling so tense, so deep and so darkFor this will not allow You to reposeFor this is why the heart now starts to closeAnd when the tears go and the screams die downAs you lay sullen down on top the groundYou see the scene you caused due to your painWhat happened, just because you went insaneFor this feeling cannot be belayedThat leaves Your Own nerves all dazzled and frayedFor this is a feeling that so many feelA feeling that, to many, feels so realThis is Anxiety at its most worstA sensation that feels more like a curseAnd though with Time it will soon go as thenIt’ll take Time to feel sublime againBut One Day soon, it will all go awayAnd Your frayed nerves will soon be put at bayFor Anxiety does not rule your lifeEven if you must bear through all this strifeFor there is Peace of Mind that can be foundAnd it is actually all aroundIn nature, in people, even at homeJust know that you’re not anxious all aloneFor so many people have this to bearA feeling so cruel and is just not fairBut join in hands with those who share your plightAnd you will One Day find your own Lost LightThe Tension in the Air is full of painThat slowly wears you down and makes you strainedBut it is not a death sentence as suchEven though it still hurts so very muchAnxiety and tension make you weakAs peace of mind is what you start to seekBut hold tight and do not give up your hopeFor this is a feeling that can be copedAnd when the tension start to lose its gripYou no longer feel your mind being rippedAnd then you can say that at last you wonAnd the tension will finally be doneThis is a tension that fills up the airAnd sometimes it feels more than we can bearBut so long we reason and use our mindsWe can control it and reach a fate kindAnxiety will not control our soulsAs we now search to be completely wholeAnd when the tension dies down completelyYou will realize that you were always freeNo illness controls what you say or doAnd this is a fact that’s completely trueEven if the Tension now grows in sizeDo not fear it, for it’s not your demiseBear the wrath, and remember that you’re fineAnd this tension will soon leave you in kindAnd when you recover, this you can tellYou just survived going through mental hellThe Tension in the Air is far from kindAs it tries its best to warp your frail mindBut so long you remember who you areEven with tension, you will travel farAnd so bear this Tension within the airAnd live out life without so much a care…
Self Injury
I feel stupid and contagious by heresChara
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Take a bite of me by heresChara
Physical and Sexual Abuse

Mature Content

Triggered (READ THE DESCRIPTION FOR TRANSLATION) by ultra43
Phobias
Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This by EccedentesiArt
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
ADD ADHD.

Newest Members

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Organised Chaos by WoodleyDo Organised Chaos :iconwoodleydo:WoodleyDo 4 4 Hidden by saysomethingclever13 Hidden :iconsaysomethingclever13:saysomethingclever13 18 28
Mature content
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A List of Alters by TheWijo
Mature content
A List of Alters :iconthewijo:TheWijo 2 9
Literature
Faith Tested is Endurance.
Let's rewind 15, nearly 16, years. At that point in time, I was Lily Berger, age 8. I was short, with blonde hair and bright green eyes...and I was hyper beyond all means. I had already become the school outcast, lost friends, irritated adults, and exasperated my parents. I quickly realised that I needed desperately to calm myself down in any way possible. I had noticed that when I didn't eat lunch, or didn't have a full meal, I would start to drag in energy after awhile. It made me less of an annoyance, less "obnoxious," as I was often described. And so it began. Throw away a juice box here, a sandwich there.
By age 12, I had extremely low self-esteem, due to a childhood of frequent physical, verbal and emotional abuse. My view of what it meant to be Christian was also warped by my staunchly atheist upbringing. Although my parents provided my sister and me with a constant whirlwind of extracurricular opportunities that their parents were never able to afford, they also expected perfec
:iconciel-de-noir:ciel-de-noir
:iconciel-de-noir:ciel-de-noir 23 42
Save Me by LadyOFsorrowsX3 Save Me :iconladyofsorrowsx3:LadyOFsorrowsX3 107 77 My Children and Grandchildren? by amy-WednesdaysChild My Children and Grandchildren? :iconamy-wednesdayschild:amy-WednesdaysChild 3 3 Cut the pain away by issaiah1332 Cut the pain away :iconissaiah1332:issaiah1332 4 17 Perfection-Destruction by issaiah1332 Perfection-Destruction :iconissaiah1332:issaiah1332 4 6 Could you stop? by issaiah1332 Could you stop? :iconissaiah1332:issaiah1332 12 7 DEPRESSION by guille1701 DEPRESSION :iconguille1701:guille1701 829 419
Literature
Domestic Violence
My name is Sarah
I am only three,
My only wish
Is to get free,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I hope my daddy
Would just let me be,
I hear his car
His cursing mouth,
With one quick move
I hear him shout,
He yells my name
And grabs his belt,
He hits me hard
With no emotion felt,
The tears they fall
As he beats me more,
I see a light
An open door,
I try my hardest
To wedge myself out,
He holds me tighter
As I pass out,
I wake up cold
And on the floor,
The pain throbbing
I try to ignore,
I hear my daddy
Screaming loud,
Yelling at me
Him feeling proud,
I press myself
Against a wall,
He comes closer
I start to bawl,
He reaches forward
And grabs my hand,
I pray to god
For it to just end,
He drags me violently
Across the floor,
He troughs me through
My bedroom door,
He walks away
To grab a beer,
My Mind racing
With terror and fear,
I see a gun
With bullets near,
I load it up
to disappear,
I tell my mom
I'm on my way,
I pull the trigger
And in a small delay,
*BANG*
:iconZ3ROCO0L:Z3ROCO0L
:iconz3roco0l:Z3ROCO0L 3 9
pain. by B1B1 pain. :iconb1b1:B1B1 250 39 Pain by Shiskecab Pain :iconshiskecab:Shiskecab 438 99 FEAR II by Mentos18 FEAR II :iconmentos18:Mentos18 993 181

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Send in your songs!!!

[if you have a song you'd like put up here drop me a note]

Beautiful - Christina Aguilera - www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFT…

Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz - www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_SI2E…

Nothing to Lose - Billy Talent - www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGUw0u…

Adam's Song - Blink 182 - www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MRdtX…

This Time Imperfect - AFI - www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjC4bw…

Manic Street Preachers - From Despair to Where - www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7JTXZ…

Pink - Long way to Happy - www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMJwCS…

Sia - Breathe me - www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSH7fb…

Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick

P!nk - F**kin' Perfect - www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocDlOD…

Marilyn Manson - The Nobodies

Röyksopp - What Else Is There? - www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLpkXt…

Goo Goo Dolls - I'm Still Here (www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba1UFP…)
Do you think we're missing any? I just added one for OCD and ADD/ADHD and so I figured that I should ask if there's any folders that members may think we're missing.
I'll happily add ones that relate to this group so just make a comment ( unfortunatly I can't read your mind yet D: ) and I'll add it as soon as. (=




~kodoku-e :hug:
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We are a group for every kind of mental illness. We also support moods, feelings and emotions and personal stories. We accept art of all media and skills that represents a mental illness, a mood, a feeling or an emotion.

The blog is yours to post your story, how your feeling or how your day was.
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Founded 14 Years ago
Mar 21, 2010

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:icontimelordwitch10:
TimelordWitch10 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
My teen suicide prevention blog is up and running! Please take the time to read and share it if you can, and we're always open to contributions. Hopefully as it grows it will become a great help to the community =)
[link]
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:iconsolitudonivalis:
solitudonivalis Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
can I leave a deviant in Spanish? I do not speak English very good XD
Reply
:iconleiki-kuollutta:
leiki-kuollutta Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
Hello, I'm insane.
Reply
:iconmanomatul:
Manomatul Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sounds good. Wanna have dinner? =)
Reply
:iconleiki-kuollutta:
leiki-kuollutta Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012
Hihi. The voices in my head tell me that the night isn't a good time to do it :)
Reply
:iconmanomatul:
Manomatul Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Blah! I never listen to mine, why should you? eh eh?
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(1 Reply)
:iconshadow-guardian0:
Shadow-Guardian0 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2011  Student General Artist
im not sure if i have a disorder my by friends think i do . and also people online who i dont know(not on da,but cod)
Reply
:icon0-emoleopard-0:
0-EmoLeopard-0 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Why not have a section for those with Tourettes, and Aspergers/Autism? Many thanks, just a suggestion.
Reply
:icongwendalin-niles:
Gwendalin-Niles Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011
hi. its just really annoying when u have limits. i have just so many stuff that would fit perfectly 4 this group. but 2 deviantations per day? thats disappointing.

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:iconkaguyatsukihime:
KaguyaTsukiHime Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't like pointing fingers but someone made a mockery of autism. I simply stated that I was autistic to a person and she said that I was retarded. I'm like Excuse me but I'm on the high spectrum and I am 60-70% smarter than average.
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